How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
