how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
