So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
