At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
