i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
