Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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