Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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