I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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