he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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