nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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