somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
