I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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