NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
