heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
