after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
