Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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