I think I died a long time ago.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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