those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
