why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
