Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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