i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
