so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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