so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
