She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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