I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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