Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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