Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
