it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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