Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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