You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
