I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
