listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
