you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
