How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He did a backflip because drugs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
