You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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