I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
