I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
