I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
