two words...techno handjob
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
