She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
