I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
