Pappa wants mamma naked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
