You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
