the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
