it hurts more in the daytime
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So many bounce houses so little time
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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