You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
