I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
