i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
