maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
