hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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