maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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